Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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