Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she looked like the before picture.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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