I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
