Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
