she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
