There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
