I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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