Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
