Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
