I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
