How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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