i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it glows. i had to have it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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