I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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