Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
