omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
