when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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