I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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