i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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