she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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