I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
