Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
should my penis look like a turkey
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
