We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
