sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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