I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
