is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i think my mom watched the whole time
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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