Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
