is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
