My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
