I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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