yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
