New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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