My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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