I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
