We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
