I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
