I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
