I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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