Porn is love you can see.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
