guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
