DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
