How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
