I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
