i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
