So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
