How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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