using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
