so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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