Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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