But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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