Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
