It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
